Friday, December 10, 2010

Updates

Hey all. You deserve updates, dammit. Here's the haps - we are now without band van and in a psuedo-hiatus. I (Dan) went on a four week road trip to the desert and am broke and figuring shit out. Joe and Alex have been working their asses off to catch up on their finances with the break in our wacky touring schedule. Financially, there isn't really a way to replace the van in the short term. Some of you might be saying we could tour in the Bonneville again, but we've gotten used to the creature comforts of living in a minivan for weeks at a time instead of a full size car. Sorry. Although a little hiatus is nice for us to reflect on the insane amount of shows we've played in the last year - about two months of road time in the last year, plus another thirty or forty something home shows. Not bad for three guys with really, really lousy finances.

In the mean time, anyone who wants a copy of the very limited BEACH FEVER LP should email these.magnificent.tapeworms@gmail.com (although I don't check it often enough), or more appropriately, facebook Joe or myself. There's only like 175 left. Also, there are distro options if you think you want a volume discount on four or more and want to hock our swag to your chums. Get in touch! It's almost Christmas and you haven't done any shopping!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Bonus Tapeworms!

Hey everybody, as long as Alex makes it back to town in time, we're going to be opening for Sprickets and Dikes of Holland (from Austin, Texas) tonight at PK's. The show is free, the beer is cheap, and we'll see you there!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Upcoming & Postal

Hey everyone. The LP formally dropped last week at a boisterous PK's show. We made sure to break all of our equipment either before the show or throughout the show, most notably the PA while Angel Sluts were playing. Sorry guys! Kangaroo Rats warmed things up at the Lando Calrissian Lounge while we ate burgers and Leonard hit on my eighteen year old cousin. And Uncle Skunkle from Paducah / Murfreesboro went on first at PK's, giving the best, most lively opener I've seen there in maybe ever. We closed it out with a rowdy set, but due to the muffled fucked up microphone, we couldn't give as many props to the record itself as we wanted too. So we only sold a few. Sad face.

We're still paying them off, and we got a good distance to go before we're earning on it, so if you can spare us the money, please buy a record! We're asking for $12 if you can spare it, or $10 if you don't cater to charity. Remember, it's two colors, has a full color inner sleeve, and was pressed in the limited amount of 250, and never to be repressed. When you buy it, it comes with a delightful CD-R, or a promise of emails of MP3s. There's less than 200 left, and I think there will be less than 125 at the end of October, given the number of people who have expressed interest and are waiting for paychecks. There are fancy CDs of the album, for those less interested in vinyl. There's about 120 of those still kicking. And maybe 25 shirts. Damn!

Everyone who pre-ordered, we don't want to short shaft you, but we're trying to pull together the money for shipping. Yes, you paid that already, but the band credit card (mine) is pretty much maxed out and we're waiting on a few more dollars of merch before we head over to the post office. Just hang in a little longer.


UPCOMING SHOWS

Friday the 15th
Cranky Yellow in St Louis
music at 8pm, all ages, five dollars
with DinoFight! and Up The Whale

Saturday the 16th
O'Connels Irish Pub in Granite City
music at 9 or 10pm (over around midnightish), 21+, three dollars
with Dot Wave

see you there, nerds!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Day


Here it is.

PKs
free, 10pm

These Magnificent Tapeworms
Angel Sluts (Memphis)
Uncle Skunkle (Paducah)


Lando Calrissian Lounge
313 W Monroe, $2, 6pm

Kangaroo Rats
Parasite Diet (Paducah)
These Magnificent Tapeworms

Bring some money!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Nightlife Review!

Hey all, chew on this while I type up the last bits of tour for your consumption. Please note that while they credited me (Dan) with most of the quotes, it's only because we sent them some info from my email address. Technically, Joseph typed a lot of the data they used, although it represented all of our voices. Anyway, chow down on that, check back later for an update with that tour data, and see you THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 30 for the BEACH FEVER LP RELEASE! We'll have more data on that quite soon!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Show Update!

Hey Ohio, updates for you kids. Tomorrow, instead of Cincinnati, we'll be playing in Athens, Ohio, at Casa Nueva. The show at May Day just wouldn't work out, but the gentleman Chris of Whale Zombie agreed to put us up at a moments notice. We'll also be playing with Zapano and VALLEYBOYS. Thank you so much to the kind people of Athens for helping us out in a pinch!

Go to Howler's Peyote Cafe in Pittburgh tonight to see us rip it up. Do it!

Record of the Week

On the this list of ten records worth a damn this week, we're number four. Wow.

Today started good and went south. Dan got early afternoon tacos with the Turbo Fruits which bled into mostly beating rush hour out of New York City became a horrific pileup on Interstate 80 just inside Pennsylvania wherein we crawled about a mile in two hours. Then we got to an exit and went on I-80 eastbound to get to local highway 611 and navigate around the bullshit. But guess what! The ramp was closed for resurfacing. So we went back into New Jersey, losing two hours of 'progress', and hunted for the next bridge in Pennsylvania, which was a forty miles of country road and uncertainty, because Dan's dumb ass left our best friend, the 2010 Road Atlas, in Brooklyn. That's right, no GPS for us, and now we've got to do the rest of this tour without even an atlas to our name until we can get one cheap at Big Lots or something. Anyway, we detoured around to I-84 and our four hour, twenty minute drive clocked in around eleven. Good thing this was an off day, or shit would've been scrubbed.

We're exhausted. Crashing with Houseasaurus again. Goodnight.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Brooklyn Agyn

Alex is right, the show fucking ruled. There were seriously like 100 or 120 people there. We sold our first ever LP at a show, and a couple of them at that.

Tonight we played at Cousin Larry's in Danbury. Pretty swinging music dive with shit tons of killer posters on the wall. Despite it being a Sunday, we expected a few people to show up since the promoter seemed diligent. But it didn't pan out. At least Telethon was there (by the way, they killed their fucking set like champs). And we got a free live recording out of it and sold another record.

We decided to cruise into NYC since it was only like 1:30 in the morning and fuck rush hour traffic. It was an easy drive. I'm totally getting the hang of driving in NYC.

Also, I'd like to nominate the two best night drives in New York to be the Jackie Robinson Parkway and Mill River Parkway to the Henry Hudson Bridge. Just sayin.

If you're in New York, there's no excuse not to go to Trash Bar in Brooklyn to see us play at 8pm sharp, followed by like four other bands. During our set, there's fucking FREE PBR AND RAILS, so ya better be there unless you enjoy being square.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Phattest House Show Ever


Okay, so we went back to Houseasaurus. If you were there, you'd realize this statement holds more than meets the eye. I should just stop here. Because most of you missed out. So I'm not gonna tell you about it, I'm gonna give you every freakin' awesome detail.

We arrived to the sound of wood being chopped in the backyard and the smell of spicy stir fry, famished from the drive knowing we'd be fed all too well when we reached our destination. Lounging on the electro-blasting front porch, we finally made the acquaintance of Telethon not knowing how close we would become in the next few hours. Dinner: amazing. We immediately busted into the two cases of Yeungling we purchased from the distributor (one of many bizarre Pennsylvania liquor laws) and scarfed down a meal after the blare of a bicycle horn.

"I thought you guys didn't cook communal meals on the weekend?"

"We like to make exceptions."

This place is way too cool.

Visitations started up the night, a one-man band that was 50% folk singer, 25% electronic weirdo and 75% awesome dude to play songs around the campfire with. Yeah, that's 150% dude. At this point in the night, there were about 30 people downstairs, putting the first coat of sweat and beer on the vividly painted basement walls and I began to smell the human zoo congregating.

Running outside howling "HOLY SHIT! TELETHON'S STARTING! SWEET GAWD ALMIGHTY, IT'S STARTING! GET YER ASSES DOWNSTAIRS, YER GONNA MISS THIS CRAZY SHIT!" and the like, I played my own small part of creating one of the most insanely congested basements in the northeast. They rocked. So hard they blew the circuit breaker three times. We rocked. They rolled. So much that people ended up on the floor. We rolled. Some kid was crowd surfing through the foot of space available in the shallow concrete space. Our merch box almost suffered severe destruction. If you don't check these guys out, you probably serve no purpose to humanity.

To put it briefly, these guys can play.

We get on and everything became blurry, well mostly strobed since someone shut off all the the lights and gave everyone seizures. My pedals were off and on, cables unplugged and re-plugged, beers knocked over and the mosh pit raged until we blew the breaker as well. In the middle of our theme song. Joe kept playing and everyone in the basement began screaming like idiots. I was home.

About six beers later, we were requested to do an encore, only to find that it wasn't the breaker, we broke the entire outlet system in the basement. Telethon and the Tapeworms, two great tastes that fuck shit up real good.

Somewhere in the mess of people leaving and being kicked out, Matt took some molly and I ended up cuddling him on the porch because all he was saying was, "So cold . . . so cold . . ."

I awoke to the taste of a dirty bomb in my throat, yet a sense of pride and success in my heart. Choking down some apple juice, I swore to never do this again knowing good and well that the road goes on forever . . . and the party never ends.

=Alex

Friday, September 10, 2010

BEACH FEVER GET SOME


Just got 50 of these to Lana's apartment here in Bushwick. New York, I hope you're ready for a trip to the doctor. So luscious. Carbondale, don't worry, you'll get yours THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 30 AT PKS!

TWO HOURS FROM NOW (ie show starts at 8pm, we should be on a bit before 9pm)
Cafe Orwell in Bushwick, NY

(followed by catching up with Turbo Fruits at Death By Audio!)


26 HOURS FROM NOW
Houseasaurus Co-Op in State College, PA
with Telethon (FL) and Visitations (GA)


50 HOURS FROM NOW
Cousin Larry's Cafe in Danbury, CT
with Telethon and a mystery local band


74 HOURS FROM NOW
Trash Bar in Brooklyn, NY
with My Own Private Alaska, Lilith Velkor, Eros, and Shape in Space

Special note about our Monday night Trash Bar show! We play at 8pm until 9pm, and during that time period there is OPEN BAR FOR EVERYONE. Free PBR and rails from 8 to 9, dooo it!

96 HOURS FROM NOW
Philadelphia PA TBA house show

More updates as they come. Last night sucked, some 80s cover band (fronted by the owner of the bar) was the headliner and ripped us off, but karma's a bitch. If you feel the need to prank anyone try the Lucky Dog Music Hall at 508-363-1888.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Timeline.

I can talk about Sunday through Tuesday later. Although the highlights include Machete and a gigantic Co-Op in State College PA. But for now I want to present to all of you a time line.

5pm - Take the Holland Tunnel into Manhattan.
5:15 - Miss the turn for Manhattan Bridge into the Brooklyn. Try to double back and fail repeatedly.
5:45 - Get on the Manhattan Bridge to Brooklyn.
6:00 - Make it to Lana and Allison's place.
6:30 - Step outside for some grub and brews. Get some excellent empanadas from a booth. Head to Tandem for Happy Hour.
7pm to 8pm - PBR pints and a shot are only $3. Allison buys the first round. There is a second and third round before time is up.
8 to 8:30 - Happy Hour is over, so the PBR is now $3 without the shot. We all have another one for the road.
8:30 - Walk past a bodega and get an armload of Four Lokos.
9:00 - Drink and setup gear in the apartment
10:00 - Play a half set
10:30 - Smoke break and checking with the neighbors to make sure it's cool to play a little more.
11:00 - Too drunk to play a little more. Dan lays down. Joe wanders off. Alex... sober enough to be containable. A crack team of archaeologists are still figuring out parts of the evening.



Mission accomplished! Playing in Worcester Massachusetts tonight at Lucky Dog Music Hall. See ya there.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Mysteries of Science

Watching some MST3k at Alan's place in Pennsylvania. So-so episode. Although Yuengling is almost free in this town, we are sadly too late to buy booze. Everywhere closes early on Sunday. Damn.

Tour is off to a great start. Columbus was spot on. Our good bud JR set everything up. The Treehouse in Columbus is not made for drunks. There are stairs and bumps and busted asphalt all over the place. It's ridiculous. Bloody Matt Dillons and JPS Brown were both awesome, and we ripped out a pretty killer set in between them. Our favorite laid back Hawaiian-shirt wearin' bartender was not slinging brew that night, so we were actually charged for our drinks. That was a drag, but other than that everything was good. JR pranked this other bar for a while and cracked us up. The next day we watched shitty (hilarious) court shows for a while and then went to a bombass old-school diner with fantastic burgers. The waitress was a smidge strange, but it only made things better. She forgot Alex's bread.

We went to Cleveland knowing full and well that our Saturday show was kiboshed. The venue had lost their liquor license earlier in the week and was closed "until further notice". Luckily we had already lined up a bonus show at a hip coffeeshop/bar called Bela Dubby. The place was loud as fuck - linoleum floors, hard walls. Dan chatted with a gent who wandered past with his daughter and dog. He used to roadie for Megadeth. He was awesome. We ate pork gyros and ripped out a loud gnarly one. Otis Pocus Afro-Cadabra played a psychedelic as shit Beefheartish set, fucking our collective mind. Then we went and chilled at Ben's place for a spell. He had new zines from his friend in Columbus. I'll post his contact info later so that you can order one, because these zines are awesome!

In the morning we got tantalizing texts from Otis himself full of pictures of the evenings dinner - nine pounds of porkloin, stuffed with an apple/bacon/brown sugar mixture, and wrapped in bacon. So much pig! Dan walked up the street to snag some collards for a soup at the cookout, as well as winding up with a cigar for the cookout. We hung out at Ben's for a while before his darlin' Cassie got off work and we all cruised over to Otis's place. The pork was phenomenal. The impending Otis Pocus album is also phenomenal. Phenomenal. We all cruised over to Now That's Class in an attempt to talk our way onto the bill since our bar had literally closed down four day prior. The door guy was understanding, but there were four shitty indie bands playing that night, and they all thought it was really cool to let thirty or forty minutes crawl by for setup and take down in between each band. We hung out for a bit. Dan drank car beers at the bar, Joseph made friends at the bar, and Alex got a butt pat at the bar. We wound up at another bar down the street called Spitfire where an insane punk band was playing. They finished up and we found out the touring band had van trouble and couldn't make it. We were a touring band with bar trouble that could make it! Yeehaw! So we played behind a chain link fence on a filthy stage and then hung out a bit more with the kids that brought us there. Good times.

The next day we all watched Tim and Eric season 2 and cooked bacon and waffles and eggs. We started to overstay, but finally said our goodbyes and hit the road for Edinboro Pennsylvania. On the way out of town, we stopped at a beach on the shores of Lake Erie.



We'll catch you up on the last couple days a little later, but now it's off to New York from Pennsylvania. Coney Island ahoy!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Heading Out Again

We're heading out as soon as the mail comes and I know if I have my new insurance card or if I'm driving on a ticket and no photo ID for 19 days. There have been some last minute tweaks and additions and losses to the schedule - I'll update the myspace calendar fully in a few days, but in the meantime, here's this.

Today, 9/2
The Treehouse in Columbus OH
w/ The Bloody Matt Dillons and JPS Brown

Tomorrow, 9/3
Bela Dubby in Cleveland OH
w/ Mootdak

The day after, 9/4
This show has been adjusted - the 5 O'Clock Lounge lost their liquor license like three days ago and are closed until further notice. We're hoping to get moved to the Now That's Class show to open for Filmstrip, Cloud Nothings, Fangs Out, and Safari. It should work since everyone should be understanding about the venue literally closing just days ago.

The day before Labor day, 9/5
Private Party in Edinboro PA. Details forthcoming.

Anyway, we'll post shit when we can. Later!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Two Weeks til Tour!

Hey everyone - I haven't been online in a few weeks due to a move and some general business, but gears are turning all the same. The LP got delayed enough that we won't have the vinyl for tour (sorry!), but we'll have CDs available until the official release show, which will be at PKs on Thursday, September 30th at PKs with The Angel Sluts from Memphis, TN, and another local band that we can convince to be our designated drivers.

In the mean time, please take note that we still have a few tragic gaps in our tour.

Friday Sept. 3 - anywhere in central or upper Ohio
Monday Sept. 6 - anywhere in western Pennsylvania or New York
Wednesday Sept. 8 - anywhere in New York, eastern PA, or any of those tiny states by New York
Friday and Saturday the 10th and 11th - ditto the 8th, although we're fine taking one day off to be tourists
Wednesday Sept. 16th - anywhere in Ohio or West Virginia or eastern Kentucky

I think we'll be able to plug a few of those holes between now and then, but if you can offer any help, send a line to staggs.dan@gmail.com. The more shows, the better, because the LP has us stretched a little thin.

Thanks! See you at the show!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

TRES HOMBRES TONIGHT

We're playing the Benefit Show at Tres Hombres tonight to benefit Citizens for Repeal in putting pressure to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell. So come out in like 30 minutes!

Tres
9pm sharp
$5

Drunk Virago
These Magnificent Tapeworms
Rob Jacobs
comedians
other musicians



ALSO we are pushing forward with the records and CDs. It's a little ridiculous, the paperwork, but here's hoping to them being on time.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Doin' the Paperwork

Putting together all the bits and bobs to make sure this

is spinning on your turntable by September 1st. Or just chilling in your CD player by the middle of July.

Thank you SO MUCH to all of the people who pledged to our Kickstarter fundraiser. This couldn't have happened without all of you!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Steel City USA

Playing in Granite City tonight. Our old friends DOT WAVE are back in action, and we're tearing it down at O'Connel's at Washington Ave and 24th. Two dollar door and the beer flows like wine!

Also, it's in the last 50 hours or so to pledge to our Kickstarter website in our pledge drive. We've been told by a family friend that if we can get it to $800, someone will take a loan out and pledge the other half. SO CLOSE! Go and pledge $5 if you want a CD, or a quick $10 if you want the SEAFOAM AND CORAL LP, of which 250 will be pressed.

SO CLOSE!

SEE YOU AT THE SHOW! IT'S ALSO A BIRTHDAY PARTY! THERE WILL BE A CLOWN AND A PETTING ZOO!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Septemberrrr

Book us somewhere!

September 2 - Bloomington at TBA with Pillow Screamers... I think
3rd - Columbus OH at Treehouse w/ JPS Brown
4th - Clevland OH at 5 O'Clock w/ Otis Pocus Afro Cadabra
5th - Edinboro PA w/ TBA
6th - Pittsburgh PA OR upstate NY
7th - middle Pennsylvania OR upstate NY/NE PA
8th - Philadelphia PA OR just fuckin' whatever
9th - NYC or north Jersey
10th - Providence RI
11th - Boston MA
12th - Danbury CT at Cousin Larry's Cafe
13th - Brooklyn NY at Trash Bar
14th - State College PA w/ TELETHON
15th - Pittsburgh PA w/ TELETHON
16th - WV or OH
17th - Lexington KY at The Green Lantern
18th - Cincinnati OH
19th - Evansville IN at Lanhuck's
20th - Alton IL at Mardi Krawlers or just home

BOOK US A SHOW! GIVE US THE PHONE NUMBER OF YOUR COUSIN WHO USED TO LIVE IN ONE OF THESE CITIES AND KIND OF BOOKED SHOWS BUT MOSTLY JUST DID DRUGS! MESSAGE OUR MYSPACE OR COMMENT RIGHT HERE!

Monday, June 7, 2010

BEACH FEVER IS COMING

Can you feel it? In yer guts? All twisted up?


Target July for the CD. The LP won't happen in time for the September tour (too broke!), so it might not happen at all.

Plans for the release include a MEGACYBERRAFFLE from the year 3010 AD.

PRYZES!

BEACH FEVER CDS
BEST OF SUMMERSLAM 1992 VHS
STAR WARS TOYS
COMIC BOOKS
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE TOYS (maybe)
RECORDINGS FROM OUR OTHER PROJECTS
GIANT PAINTINGS
TAROT READINGS

and best of all

THE OFFICIAL TAM TAM THE SANDWICH MAN / THESE MAGNIFICENT TAPEWORMS SUMMER 2010 SKIM BOARD, a prestigious skim board marking the passage of the President's "DOLPHIN RAPE VAN" TOUR into effect in May of 2010.


More details to come, once we sober up and buy the raffle tickets.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

That's a Wrap

Holy shit.

Alright, Atlanta was the party it always is. And then the next day, it was the traffic jam it always is. Highlight of the afternoon was hearing Teenage Illiterates practice, Jordan getting complimented on his Gravity Bong shirt and Dan on his Eat Pussy Not War shirt, both at Taco Bell. The music store we went to had supremely crucial Danelectros and synthesizers... not shit for basses though.

We took a leisurely afternoon drive through the backroads of Alabama (Central Time, hello again!) and got to Sheffield relatively early. IE, 9PM. We got told that the amount of free beer we get was in relation to the amount of beer people bought that night, and we concluded that we could drink our way into some kind of infinity feedback loop where the more we drink, the freer the beer became. Alex and Dan beat Carnevil 1 on a fistful of quarters and then set up some gear. The crowd got to a decent size and Tam Tam slaughtered it after us and then Ursa Locomodus REALLY slaughtered it. Getting Natural in the parking lot REALLY REALLY slaughtered it. And then the after party at the Satan's Youth Ministers house was a slaughterfest of epic proportions. We put Disco Worship on the CD Player and drank all the Natty, all the Busch, and almost, just almost all the Steel Reserve. When we woke up we partied our way into breakfast and then skipped town for Paducah.

The Tennessee leg of the drive was scenic and awesome. A pretty storm blew through, too. Then we hit the all ages coffee house in Paducah and were welcomed by a big crowd... at 7pm. Holy shit. Now I know why straightedge bands REALLY do it - early shows for more partying later, and lots and lots of jailbait. A punk band whose name I cannot recall opened things up - cute stuff. Kids being awesome kids. Then Tam Tam really won the crowd over. We blared it a little (as usual) and it thinned out a smidge, but people were definitely digging it. The clincher was when Alex went to jump on the old cabinet and his foot fell a little shy, resulting in a shit eatenence of the first degree. He wasn't hurt and would kept playing, except his guitar cable snapped off inside his axe. Wahn waaaaahhh. We all sold good merch (kids!) and decided to dash to Carbondale for a quick round at PKs.

We made it into town, blaring Stranglehold at max volume, right around 12:30, and went straight to Picks, and then to PKs. The Florida kids were disappointed that you couldn't smoke in the bar... sorry guys. So we skipped out after a round and made it to Lost Cross. The second we got there, Big Sex started playing. So Tam Tam got an eyeful of a packed Cross writhing around while Luke tackled people and punched lightbulbs in half. Then they saw Tanner puke off the porch and then people were swinging on the rope. The most perfect first two hours of Carbondale that some kids from Orlando can have. We went home and made a video of Nina building a grav before I (Dan, that is) skipped out for a sleep sesh. No idea what happened after I left, but I will say it took thirty minutes to be used to sleeping on a mattress again. After a little lazy time on Sunday, we gathered up for the preshow party. Vegan chili cookoff and records. Woot! Then to Lost Cross for the Free Weed show on the year. Uncle Skunkle brought amazing game, and Tam Tam stole the night. We killed it, but people will be talking about Tam Tam and Skunkle for weeks. Also, SUPER special thanks to the Belleville, Harrisburg, and Paducah people that convoyed in for the show. That meant SOOOOO much to us, me especially. The after party ground on for a while and then we all crashed out.

Memorial Day meant New Kahala and good bye to Tam Tam the Sandwich Man and the Magical Sugar Cookies. I was sad. If you missed their show, scope out their second (of three) EP for free download right here. You'll be glad.

Back to reality... until THURSDAY AT LOST CROSS!! WHAT WHAT!!!

THURSDAY
LOST CROSS

HEAD ON ELECTRIC
EINE KLEINE CHINMUZIK
THESE MAGNIFICENT TAPEWORMS
DRUNK COPS
AND A SPECIAL SURPRISE!!

Also, stay tuned for info about our SURFBOARD RAFFLE!

One last thing, invented a new cocktail last night - equal parts grape soda and whiskey to create either DUDE WINE or BIG WINE, not sure yet.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Fucking Love Connections

Scope out these fucking Tam Tam and Tapeworms love connections.

1. We're playing at 407 West Elm in Carbondale. Their area code is 407.
2. Jordan was wearing the Turbo Fruits shirt designed by John McCowen the other day. With pride. We've played with the Turbo Fruits and two of the three members are from the area. They've crashed at Jordan's house.
3. We're from Illinois, and Nina's house is on Illinois Street in Orlando.
4. One of us wears a dress, one of them is a girl.
5. Jordan has a 200 Motels tattoo, we bought a fresh copy of 200 Motels on this tour.
6. Pall Malls.

Some serious fucking love connections, right?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Wanna Party in Atlanta?

Civic Media Center is a groovy place. Dan wanted to peruse the decades worth of zines, but we were late to the show and then had to get to the crash pad after shit wrapped up. Tam Tam played pretty fucking awesome and we didn't do too shabby either - we busted out lots of energy to a seated audience in a bookstore, so that's something. The first band was The Itchy Hearts from Virginia - we're probably going to be hooking them up in Carbondale on Friday the 11th. Very tight VERY soulful kinda countryish, but not the boring kind. Maybe at Alex and Joe's house. We'll see. And :smokesignal: was like a fantastic Swamp show. Ambient but not the boring kind - a real pulse and some shreds and some cool time elements.

We found out that our show tonight was canceled, so we did a phone tree attack and wound up getting on the bill at Wonder Root, the coolest place in Atlanta! Yee haw! It's a reunion show - Wonder Root is where we met Tam Tam... awwwww. So come out and get awesome with us!


Thanks Will and Trevor of Street Violence! Listen to that shit!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Crusties and Condos


We cruised to Cocoa after a lazy afternoon in Orlando. We were really excited about the prospects of hooking up with cougars with xanax scrips and bottles upon bottles of wine. Cocoa is a silly place like that. We immediately hit it off with the bartenders and they called their crust punk friends over. Dan rode with for some car beers, but the point was nullified when the bartenders started giving us free beer after all! Tam Tam was phenomenal and we did alright - Dan hampered the set with his colossally slashed hands that he super-glued shut right before the show. MORAN! We crashed with the crusties and talked about Crass and MDC and Jay Reatard and the Voodoo Glow Skulls. In the morning we had some breakfast beer and tacos that were way too big. Dan finally got the eye drops that his horribly infected eyes need.

We got to Miami just in time to get lost in Little Haiti for a while. The club was pretty slummy, the primo big punk venue in Miami. The locals were nifty - the first one was kinda Dead Milkmen, and the second one was kinda rich. Good musicians as well, but jaws were dropping at the $10,000 worth of gear on the stage. We ruled the set - Alex climbed a whole stack of PA monitors and Nina jumped up on Dan's shoulders during Skidmarks and rode him around. Effin' A, man, Effin' Fuckin' A. We wound up crashing at a condo a block from shore in South Beach. We literally went from crust to condo in a day. Although we did wreck the place some. Definitely pissed on a BMW from the deck and then built a mound in the toilet when we woke up and the water was off.

TONIGHT
CIVIC MEDIA CENTER AND LIBRARY
GAINESVILLE FL
w/ Itchy Hearts from VA
and :smokesignal:

Monday, May 24, 2010

JUICE CHART

DUDE JUICE = WHISKEY
RUDE JUICE = RUM
TUDE JUICE = TEQUILA
GUDE JUICE = GIN
JUST JUICE = VODKA

naturally dude juice is the most crucial of all juices.

note that gude juice is pronounced like the first syllable of 'gouda'.

Grav Pop and Foodcore.


We have concluded that Tam Tam are Grav Pop. Orlando's weapon of choice is the gravity bong, and they wrote a song about it... literally. And we are Foodcore, by way of our food stamps and deep love of cooking. Excelente.

The show at Nina's last night was killer - we tapped the bread at 9:30 and kicked out the jamz at 9:35. The cops showed right at the end of our set, so Tam Tam did a quieter semi-acoustic thang. Poor Man's Mai Tai's left and right. IE, rum and pineapple soda. We super trashed the house. And then a good twenty of us went and climbed a mondo fence to a sweet pool. Dan is scratched up to hell and back - he kept climbing the fence to get on the roof and dive... into the shallow end. MORAN! Ten thousand injuries and twenty thousand beers later, we were back on Nina's couch, sleeping it out. Well, most of us...

Come see us tonight in Cocoa Village, skeezy adult playground of Florida's east coast. We're playing The Dog 'n Bone with Tam Tam.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Double the Illinois




These Magnificent Tapeworms
D and The Sluts
Tam Tam the Sandwich Man
and maybe, just maybe, Lagues

1502 Illinois Street
Orlando Florida.

Tonight.


So we're crashing at Nina's house. Getting our shower on. Listening to Hawkwind and Scientist. These house is really, really nice and I can't imagine actually playing a show here. We're making banana walnut pancakes and bacon. Banana bread a little later today. There's a cool courtyard with bricks and broken glass.

Tomorrow the grown-up playground that is Cocoa Village Florida. Stay tuned.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Old English Kings

Sitting outside Little Kings in Athens GA in the band van drinking a tall boy of Old English. Joe's puffing peace. I hear the first band sound checking. Almost show time!

Go here and pledge us money!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Total Tapeworm Weekend!


We decided it isn't enough to be going on tour for two weeks at the end of the month. We have to play all weekend too!

TONIGHT
Birthday Party at 322 W Pecan
party starts whenever
music around 11pm

TOMORROW
Steps of Shryock, on campus
WIDB 40 Anniversary concert
party starts around 5pm
music starts around 5:30 or 6
Tapeworms at 8

THE DAY AFTER THAT
Hanging out at Sweet Spring Classic
and then
PUNK ROCK PROM
ILLEGAL TONE RECORDINGS
BELLEVILLE IL
7P TO 11P

Buy some shirts so that we have few enough to justify another order before tour!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

GRILL DAT SHIT!



THE SWAMP
417 MONROE

6PM TO 10PM

MANIC ZAMBONI (wisconsin stoner psych)
BIG SEX (new local powerviolence)
THESE MAGNIFICENT TAPEWORMS (is it to late to abort?)

HOT GRILLS & POTLUCK
BRING YER MEAT

$2-3 FOR MANIC ZAMBONI

AND THEN AT TEN, GO TO SKIHOUSE!

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Rest

So Cleveland was awesome. We ran by a dollar store and got some snacks for the next day's drive, and then found our way back to the Five O'Clock Lounge. Another band had weaseled onto the bill (been there, done that) and jammed out Earthless-style for a while. After they wrapped up, Alex had to troubleshoot ten thousand fucked up cables. But eventually we played a pretty good set to a pretty stoked crowd. Dan went to jump up on a chair... and the chair slid across the slick linoleum floor. Maybe next time. Otis Pocus Afro Cadabra got it on like a white boy Arkestra, channeling the finest Beefheart-isms east of the Mississippi. Alex missed most of it because he was guzzling whisk in the van, but that's his loss. Afterward we broke into a grocery store, got shooed off, and went to a grocery store we were legally allowed to be in. We took pictures inside the freezers with some lesbians and then went and listened to The Residents and partied until dawn. Otis's wife had stolen us some pillows, so we slept like angels.

The next day everyone cooked a bounteous breakfast and Alex and Dan read zines and Joe got over the hump with his illness. Hurray! We hung out forever and then got on the road for Evansville, Indiana a few minutes late. It was an all day drive. The McDonalds in Evansville fucked up our orders. Dan wanted to McChickens with BBQ instead of mayo. Got mayo. Alex wanted a some burger and got a slightly different one. Fuckers.

We made it to Lanhuck's a few minutes late. Luckily, our old comrade in arms Andy Jones had warned the sound guy. The other band didn't make it at all by virtue of a van breakdown. So despite being late, we were the saviors of the evening. Sorta. Alex again fiddled with a multitude of shitty cables to get his loot working. Andy Jones was there and he played a few originals and a Wu-Tang cover on acoustic. Then we shredded a super gnarly set. As soon as we finished, we got invited to come play at a burlesque show in the summer. This is how we know we are the band we want to be. We sold like ten shirts, hung out at the bar, and then hung out with the guy that invited us to the burlesque show. We went to his tattoo parlor and talked about his business endeavors. Good times.

We made it home at dawn and went to work.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

My Friends

Is a delicious diner in Cleveland, Ohio. Or maybe we're in Lakewood. The border is right here somewhere. Same town to us. Playing with Otis Pocus Afro Cadabra tonight, and it should be silly good fun.

Last night in Detroit (Redford, really. Detroit metro area. Ten minutes from downtown.), we played the Double Aught Pub. Except it was written Double OO, so maybe it's double-double. Played with a great one-man rockabilly band called Subourbon Son, a traditional rockabilly band called Rattle Traps, and another traditional rockabilly whose name we can't recall. Subourbon Son also had a hula girl! And he was just a fun as fuck older dude. The Double Aught was a nice skeezy place where we felt good and at home. Dan got pounced on by a cougar. Alex walked in on a coke deal. Joseph took some shits. We all played our guts out. The pitchers of Pabst were twice as big as the usual. That was cool. And now there are at least eight people walking around Detroit sporting Tapeworms tees. We crashed out at a cool dude's absent grandmother's home. It was quite nice. We watched Gogol Bordello concert footage.

The night before at Ronny's in Chicago was fun too. We only played to the other bands and the girl who was putting us up, but we played our guts out. Almost literally - it was hot enough in there to vomit. And you had to swim through the bathrooms. And the bartender wanted to do anything but serve the patrons. But once again, our kind of place. Insanely huge props to Maria from the awesome band Hollows for offering us her floor. Her apartment was fly as fuck, too! And she took us to after hours at The Beauty Bar, a really swank joint with a super fly aesthetic and great girl groups being spun by the Deej. In the morning we were lazy for a while, which Maria and her roommates were graciously cool about, and then we hit the road.

After we kick ass tonight, we'll play in Evansville Indiana on Easter Sunday, to the chagrin of our families. And then we'll see you all on Monday!

PS - I promise I'll eventually post something about that tour six weeks ago. I swear.
- Dan

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

SHOW TONIGHT

Fuck it's nice outside! Go to Alex and Joe's house! 313 West Monroe, bring meat and/or veggies for the grill, starting as early as six or so. At some point, DRUNK VIRAGO and THESE MAGNIFICENT TAPEWORMS are gonna rip it up. Then maybe vinyl party (Joseph has quite the collection) or night ride? There'll be vegan chili for all those of the vegan persuasion.

The tour post from February is half-typed, I've just been lazy. It'll happen. Suffice to say, beers emptied, clothing shucked, and gear busted. Good times!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Tour weekend

Hey all. If you weren't in Carbondale to see us play with Mondo Drag last Wednesday, maybe you'll be somewhere else to see us play.

Cafe Bourbon Street
Columbus Ohio
with J.P.S. Brown, Creatures, and The Woozies.

The Dude Ranch
Edinboro Pennsylvania
with some dudes

Coakely's Irish Pub
Harrisburg Pennsylvania
Millenium Music Conference showcase
with The Stella Frays, Chelsea Automatic, and The Dead End Cruisers

high school party
Alexandria Kentucky
with Dan's sisters

That's the breakdown, Thursday through Sunday. We're gonna miss some cool stuff in Carbondale, so you kids live it up double hard for us while we're gone.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Sweet Sounds

Just got our masters from our recording session with the almighty Zeke Sayer during our tour in December. We're tickled pink with the way they came out. Some of them will wind up on the internet in due time, but don't forget about earlier rough mixes of Roller Derby Girl and Gnarly XXX-Mas over on our myspace.

Also, quick updates. Show at Lost Cross on Wednesday. We're gonna open and maybe play out some songs that Carbondale hasn't heard before, and then make way for Not Healthy, Imperial Can, and Frozen Teens. Punk as fuck!

Then on Thursday, skip going to PKs to listen to a lousy bar band in favor of another fucking awesome basement show at The Swamp. Our bestest friends Modern Convenience from Memphis are playing with Alex's other band, Drunk Virago, and the band Shithawk. Be there or be lame!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Intense Shit

Show at Lost Cross on Saturday. We're gonna open in a decently timely fashion (9:30 - 10:00 range) and then let Dude Nukem, Highlife, and Black on Brown fight for the remaining positions. They're all kinda thrashy, whereas we are just kinda silly. But when duty calls, stand tall and shred one. Bring some dollars for the touring kids.

I don't have a scanner for the flier I made, but just imagine this picture with the words INTENSE SHIT emblazoned over it. It wasn't this exact picture, but same dudes, same spirit.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Showin' up

Hey everyone, welcome to 2010. We all brought it in the right way, attending the Nighty Night tour kickoff bash. We took New Years off from playing this year (Dan's still feeling it from a year ago!) and just had a mad ass time listening to the aforementioned Nighty Night, as well as Dave-less Black Fortys, Small Time London Thug, and Parlor.

We've got a loose sketch of our spring here for your perusal. We're always on the lookout for more shows, if you would have a suggestion.

Feb 11 - PKs
Feb 12 - Murphy's, Memphis
Feb 13 - TBA Carbondale
Feb 17 - TBA Louisville or Cincinnati
Feb 18 - TBA Cincinnati or Columbus
Feb 19 - TBA Pittsburgh or Edinboro PA
Feb 20 - MMC Showcase at Coakley's, Harrisburg PA
Feb 21 - long road home show?
March 22 to 27 - Midwest Music Fest, if rumor is true; we'd play at some point
April 1 - TBA Louisville
April 2 - TBA Cincinnati
April 3 - Cleveland OH
April 4 - Evansville IN
April 18 - The Swamp
May 5 to 10 - Orlando and back

And there will probably be some kind of release in the next few months as well.